Jennifer’s Celebration of Life
May 28th, 2022
We laid Jennifer to rest on this day, in the family plot at Bethel Church, by the river and under a 150 year old oak tree. Jennifer’s final resting spot is with our grandparents, Pat and Irene, great grandparents, Tom and Myrtle, and our stepmother, Rose.
A small group of about 20 family and friends gathered there in the warm spring sun. Poems were read, people took turns to stop by the urn to touch it and say their goodbyes. As mentioned as her wish in her obituary, we did play “Forever Young” by Blutengel while we did so.
Jennifer’s nephews, Eric and Colin, acted as pall bearers to lower her urn into the ground, and we all sprinkled red rose petals into her grave before we left. Below are two of the poems chosen for the interment service by her sister Dawn. She read the first one, and the second one was read by the celebrant as we closed the service. Further down the page are the video created for Jennifer’s celebration of life, and an except from her eulogy, with a link to read the rest. Photo is of Jennifer’s urn, handcrafted by our aunt Jill Ellis, the top fashioned from the old wooden ironing board that our great-grandmother Ellis. received as a wedding gift.
She is Gone, by David Harkin
You can shed tears that she is gone
Or you can smile because she has lived
You can close your eyes and pray that she will come back
Or you can open your eyes and see all that she has left
Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her
Or you can be full of the love that you shared
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live in yesterday
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday
You can remember her and only that she is gone
Or you can cherish her memory and let it live on
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
Or you can do what she would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.
Warm Summer Sun, by Mark Twain
Warm summer sun,
Shine kindly here,
Warm southern wind,
Blow softly here.
Green sod above,
Lie light, lie light.
Good night, dear heart,
Good night, good night.
Excerpt from Jennifer’s Eulogy
Welcome, everyone, and thank you for coming to Jennifer’s celebration of Life. I am Dawn Stilwell, and I am Jennifer’s oldest sister. On behalf of our family, we thank and appreciate those of you who were able to come today because I know many of you have traveled a long way to be here.
Growing up, our family lived in Dover Center, a rural hamlet, not far from here, between Chatham and Wallaceburg. There was our parents, Danny and Marsha, and then myself, Lori and Jennifer. Back then, she was Jenny to everyone. But when she was older, she preferred Jennifer or Jen. Even after the 30 years since she became an adult, it was sometimes still hard not to slip back into calling her Jenny. But we did try to do our best. And she did her best not to be too savage when we did!
As a child, Jennifer was bright, inquisitive and gentle in nature. We were basically feral children by today’s standards. She, Lori and I were often found playing outside, hanging out with the neighbor kids, exploring ditches, climbing trees, riding our bikes. Or in the winter, we were skating on the frozen swale next door, building awesome tunnel forts in the snowy ditches, (much to our mom’s dismay, as she thought they would collapse on us) and having snowball fights.
When cooped up inside the house, we would play with dolls and Jennifer especially liked to play with Barbies. Back then, cartoons were only on on Saturday mornings and maybe after school, once in a while. We didn’t spend a lot of time watching TV. To say that we were tomboys would be an accurate statement. I have many happy memories of our childhood in Dover Centre.
Our lives diverged as young adults. I married my childhood sweetheart and Jennifer went off to the big City of Windsor to go to school to become a sign language interpreter. She was a semester short of completing the program when the money ran out, so she took a security job to make ends meet. That job somehow led her to becoming a customs officer, a vocation she stayed with for the next 30 years. She worked as a customs broker right up until a few weeks before she passed. But during those 30 years, she took the opportunity to go back to school, not once, but twice, and was also a bonafide medical secretary and transcriptionist. Apparently, it didn’t pay as well as being a customs broker did, so never did work in that field.
Jennifer had an uncanny knack for making friends easily, and she had friends from many walks of life. To me, she’d always been my little kid sister. But as I got to know her friends, I saw another side of her. She was considered cool and awesome by many people. And I have realized this to a greater extent as I have read the many tributes that were written to her on the website I created for her at www.jenniferellis.org. But you know, Jennifer was awesome to me as well. My sister was strong, resilient, and always pragmatic. She was witty and sarcastic with a sometimes-dry sense of humour. But I could always count on her. There were times in my life when I was struggling and she was there for me. And in turn, there were times when she struggled. And I was able to be there for her, as sisters do. Continue Reading….
News from the Family
Message from Jennifer’s Sister, Dawn – I see the stats on the website, so I know people are still coming to visit. Thank you for keeping Jennifer’s memory alive in your hearts ♥
She was always a fan of punk and new wave music, and on her bucket list was attending the Wave Gotik Treffen music festival in Germany. Her cancer diagnosis came early in the pandemic, so she was unable to go in 2020 because the festival was cancelled . Last year, even if the festival had returned, she was too sick to have been able to attend.
UPDATE: Although we had planned to somehow get some of Jennifer’s ashes to the festival, it turns out that traveling around Germany with human ashes is not exactly legal, so we’re doing something different. I joined a Facebook group for the festival, told them of Jennifer’s wish, and SO MANY people offered to take Jennifer’s photo to the concerts and send back pictures of Jennifer’s photo at the concert! A band that will be performing will show her photo on the screen behind them. Another person told me to join her 4000 member group and she would take care of telling the story and sharing the photos of Jen. It looks like many kind strangers will help get Jen to the festival this June. This is amazing.
UPDATE 2: The Wave Gotik Treffen music festival was held June 3-5th, and Jennifer was able to go and be a part of it (via her photo and in spirit). Special thanks to Maureen, Peggy and Helmut who kindly took her photo to the festival events and captured photos of her with many of their friends, with the bands that were playing, and with complete strangers who, upon hearing of Jennifer’s story, were more than happy to oblige with taking pictures with Jennifer’s photo. I cannot express the depth of my gratitude for the kindness of strangers who willingly and selflessly made this happen for Jennifer. To Peggy, Helmut and Maureen – thank you from the bottom of my heart!
Jennifer’s Choice: A Right to Die Story
I have published a book about Jennifer’s journey and her decision to utilize medical assistance in dying. It is my hope that it not only honours Jennifer, but gives real insight to what MAiD is, how it works and the effects it leaves on those left behind. A portion of the proceeds are going to Windsor Hospice.